[the story of a girl]

2012-01-27T09:11:00.000+08:00

there's a danger in loving somebody too much
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust
there's a reason why people don't stay where they are
baby sometimes love just ain't enough

2012-01-12T09:59:00.008+08:00

Jesus and Religion are two different clans..
Religion is Man searching for God,
Jesus is God searching for Man..

what if i told you,
Jesus came to abolish religion?
what if i told you,
voting republican really wasn’t his mission?
what if i told you,
republican doesn’t automatically mean Christian
and just because you call some people blind
doesn’t automatically give you vision

if religion is so great
why has it started so many wars?
why does it build huge churches
but fails to feed the poor?
tell single mums God doesn’t love them
if they’ve ever had a divorce
but in the Old Testament
God actually calls the religious people whores

religion might preaches grace
but another thing they practice
tend to ridicule God's people
they did it to John the Baptist
they can't fix their problems
and so they just to mask it
not realizing religion
is like sprayin perfume on a casket

see, the problem with religion
is that it never gets to the core
it’s just behaviour modification
like a long list of chores
like let’s dress up the outside
make things look nice and neat
but it's funny that’s what they used to do to mummies
while the corpse rots underneath

now i ain’t judging
i'm just saying quit putting on a fake look,
because there’s a problem
if people only know that you’re a Christian by your facebook
i mean, in every other aspect of life
you know that logic's unworthy
it's like saying you play for the lakers
just because you bought a jersey

see, this was me too
but no one seemed to be on to me
acting like church kid
while addicted to pornography
see, on sunday i'd go to church
but saturday getting faded
acting as if i was simply created
to have sex and get wasted

see, i spend my whole life
building this façade of neatness
but now that i know Jesus
i boast in my weakness
because if grace is water
then the church should be an ocean
it's not a museum for good people
it’s a hospital for the broken

which mean i don't have to hide my failures
i don’t have to hide my sin
because it doesn’t depend on me
it depends on Him
see, because when i was God's enemy
and certainly not a fan,
He looked down on me
and said, “i want that man!”

which is why Jesus hated religion
and before He called 'em fools
don’t you see He's so much better
than just following some rules?
now let me clarify, i love the church
i love the bible, and yes, i believe in sin
but if Jesus came to your church
would they actually let Him in?

see, remember He was called
a drunkard and a glutton by “religious men”
but the Son of God never supported self-righteousness
not now, not then
now back to the point, one thing is vital to mention
how Jesus and religion are on opposite spectrums
see, one is the work of God
but one is a man made invention
see, one is the cure
but the other is the infection

see, because religion says do
Jesus says done.
religion says slave
Jesus says son,
religion puts you in bondage
whilst Jesus sets you free
religion makes you blind
but Jesus makes you see

see that's why religion and Jesus
are two different clans
religion is man searching for God
Christianity is God searching for man
which is why salvation is freely mine
and forgiveness is my own
not based on my merits
but Jesus' obedience alone

because He took the crown of thorns
and the blood dripped down his face
He took what we all deserved
i guess that's why you call it grace
and while being murdered He yelled
“Father forgive them, they know not what they do”
because when He was dangling on that cross
He was thinking of you

and He absorbed all your sin
and He buried it in the tomb,
which is why i'm kneeling at the cross
saying, "come on, there’s room"
so for religion, no i hate it
in fact, i literally resent it
because when Jesus said "it is finished"
i believe He meant it

2012-01-10T09:48:00.003+08:00

the gce o-level results were released yesterday...
sadly, many of my youths (tho i thought some did pretty well) weren't too happy =((

coincidentally, during my quiet time today, i came across this passage and i thought of sharing it.. with them, or with anyone else reading this post =)

psalms 33:10-11
"the LORD foils the plans of the nations, He thwarts the purposes of peoples.
but the plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of His heart through all generations"

anyone who knows me knows that i'm miss perfectionist. i need everything to be in place and the way i want it to be. i keep an organiser, write to-do lists, set reminders.. just so that everything has a plan/keeps to plan.

but the realist in all of us will admit that plans will NEVER follow through 100%.. at some point, some thing or some one will come along and mess it up, disrupt it..

this morning i was reminded to "bless the interruptions", because these interruptions come from God.. and anything that comes from God must be good =))

take for example virgin Mary, a young lady betrothed to her fiance Joseph, one fine day interrupted by angel Gabriel, to tell her she was pregnant?!? imagine the ridicule and humiliation she received from her family and friends.. even Joseph wanted to cancel the wedding when he found out!! but looked at the result?? she became the mother to the Messiah, the one true God!

so to my dear 17/18-year-olds.. or to anyone like me, who takes pride in making plans.. take some time to stop. breathe. and listen. listen to what plan He has in store for you, cuz even whilst it may not be something that you expect/wanted, i promise you, it'll be 10x more exciting! =D

2012-01-01T13:42:00.004+08:00

it's a brand new year, it's a brand new start...

but as everyone goes about making resolutions about how they wanna exercise more, eat less, blah blah blah.. i've decided to keep things simple.

so as i enter my 25th year of age, aka quarter-life mark, i'm gonna make my life (and my story/blog) a whole lot less about me, and more about other things that matter more =D

that said, my new year's resolution is:
to smile more, to give more and to love more~

and... on another note, i'm gonna be starting a food blog!! =))

it's a totally new project, so do support me! hee~

see you @ thetravellingtastebuds.blogspot.com

2011-12-23T11:55:00.000+08:00

revived an old entry cuz it was just so meaning... enjoy~

"as you all know, we are getting closer to my birthday. every year there is a celebration in my honor and I think that this year the celebration will be repeated. during this time there are many people shopping for gifts, there are many radio announcements, TV commercials, and in every part of the world everyone is talking that my birthday is getting closer and closer.

it is really very nice to know, that at least once a year, some people think of me. as you know, the celebration of my birthday began many years ago. At first people seemed to understand and be thankful of all that I did for them, but in these times, no one seems to know the reason for the celebration. family and friends get together and have a lot of fun, but they don't know the meaning of the celebration.

i remember that last year there was a great feast in my honour. the dinner table was full of delicious foods, pastries, fruits, assorted nuts and chocolates.the decorations were exquisite and there were many, many beautifully wrapped gifts. but, do you want to know something? i wasn't invited. i was the guest of honour and they didn't remember to send me an invitation.

the party was for me, but when that great day came, i was left outside, they closed the door in my face.......... and i wanted to be with them and share their table.

in truth, that didn't surprise me because in the last few years all close their doors to me. since I was not invited, I decided to enter the party without making any noise . i went in and stood in a corner. they were all drinking; there were some who were drunk and telling jokes and laughing at everything. they were having a great time. to top it all, this big fat man all dressed in red wearing a long white beard entered the room yelling ho-ho-ho! he seemed drunk. he sat on the sofa and all the children ran to him, saying : "santa claus, santa claus"... as if the party were in his honour!

at 12 midnight all the people began to hug each other ; i extended my arms waiting for someone to hug me and....do you know .... no one hugged me. suddenly they all began to share gifts. They opened them one by one with great expectation. when all had been opened, I looked to see if, maybe, there was one for me. what would you feel if on your birthday everybody shared gifts and you did not get one? i then understood that i was unwanted at that party and quietly left.

every year it gets worse. people only remember to eat and drink, the gifts, the parties and nobody remembers me. i would like this Christmas to be one that you allow me to enter into your life.

i would like that you recognize the fact that almost two thousand years i came to this world to give my life for you, on the cross, to save you. today, I only want that you believe this with all you heart. i want to share something with you. as many didn't invite me to their party, I will have my own celebration, a grandiose party that no one has ever imagined, a spectacular party.

i'm still making the final arrangements. today I am sending out many invitations and there is an invitation for you. i want to know if you wish to attend and i will make a reservation for you and write your name with golden letters in my great guest book. only those on the guest list will be invited to the party. those who don't answer the invitation, will be left outside.

do you know how you can answer this invitation? it is by extending it to others whom you care for...

i'll be waiting for all of you to attend my party...
see you soon.... i love you!"

-Jesus-
Let's remember the reason for the season. Merry Christmas Everyone!

2011-08-07T22:38:00.001+08:00

tried out google+ recently and in the midst of updating my profile and all, i realised they auto-synced all my blog pictures to my google+ account!

of cuz that was the last thing i wanted since that would lead to an overlap of pictures and stuff?? so i tried deleting the pictures/albums.. only to realise that the pictures on my blog would disappear too. zzzzzz..

so if anyone comes across an image error on my blog.

blame google+ for their stupid linking-your-accounts-without-asking-first

GRRRRR

2011-07-23T00:55:00.003+08:00

3 more days to 3 years...

it's funny, you know. how the world seems to enjoy toying around with everybody's lives..

look at me. i grew up in a pretty well-to-do family. i spent most of my life living in a landed property, having a domestic helper to 'attend to' me, getting driven in/driving one of my family's 4 vehicles, wearing branded clothings, having abundant (tho subjective) cash to spend, attending good schools, and the list could probably go on a lil longer.

NO NO NO, don't get me wrong, i'm not bragging.. really. even tho there are probably plenty who would get all green-eyed if they knew about my life.. you see, that's the huge irony. while many dream of living in a big house, having a car to drive, or simply strike it rich, i have always yearned for that one simple thing every little kid hears in their fairytales - "happily ever after". call me domesticated, but i sometimes think of what kind of mother i'll be like in the future, how i'd doll my little ones, the places i'd take them, the things i'd do. of cuz i'm only having these motherly instincts at a "later age". when i was younger, i just longed for my prince charming.

and yet, here i am: at the age of 24 (in a few months' time), still living in my nice house, driving my car, getting "waited upon" by my domestic helper, wearing nice clothes, having a (hopefully) optimistic job prospect; but also celebrating 3 years of not singlehood, but complicated i-do-not-know-how-to-define-us relationship. and guess what, i don't even know how or when it'll end.

once upon a time, a little girl had a dream. she did not dream of becoming pretty, she did not dream of becoming rich, she just dreamt of finding her knight in shining armour so she could get married by 25, have kids by 28 and have her happily ever after. but looks like even something as simple as this could end up as just another made-up pipe dream fantasy.

goodnight, world. you and your cruel jokes.

2011-07-01T16:13:00.003+08:00

my heart's a stereo
it beats for your, so listen close
hear my thoughts in every note

make me your radio
turn me up when you feel low
this melody was meant for you
just sing along to my stereo

2011-06-28T22:42:00.002+08:00

i'm definitely sure that i'm over him
i'm definitely sure that i've no more romantic feelings for him
and i'm definitely sure that i'm not jealous..... right?

hmm....

maybe i am jealous.
not jealous of her.
but jealous of him.
cuz he has something that i don't.
and i want it so bad =(

2011-06-02T16:35:00.000+08:00

fio's 2011 major makeover 2

spotted it? =P

the 2 year journey begins today...

2011-05-30T00:28:00.000+08:00

sighhh. yes it's THAT damned time of the year again zzzz

2011-05-15T23:38:00.003+08:00

lyin' here with you so close to me
it's hard to fight these feelings when it feels so hard to breathe
caught up in this moment
caught up in your smile

i've never opened up to anyone
so hard to hold back when i'm holding you in my arms
we don't need to rush this
let's just take this slow

just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight
just a touch in the fire burning so bright
and i don't want to mess this thing up
i don't want to push too far
just a shot in the dark that you just might
be the one i've been waiting for my whole life
so baby i'm alright
with just a kiss goodnight

i know that if we give this a little time
it will only bring us closer to the love we wanna find
it's never felt so real, no it's never felt so right

oh let's do this right
with just a kiss goodnight

~just a kiss : lady antebellum~

2011-04-18T18:02:00.003+08:00

love is....

picking me up from work when i do overtime
getting out of bed on a lazy sunday cuz' i wanna go out
suggesting to go for yoghurt
driving me around in my car
refusing a game of soccer to spend time with me
eating salted popcorn when you prefer it sweet
accompanying me to the art exhibition when it bores you to hell
doing all of the above over a mere 3 days

imagine all the other sweet things he does during the rest of the year =D

you're the best, you know?

*ilu

2011-03-31T23:45:00.000+08:00

can it really be possible - something that feels so right is actually wrong??

=//

i suppose time will tell......

2011-03-22T10:09:00.000+08:00

friends who know me long enough have nicknamed me 'energizer bunny' (despite my multiple attempts to remind them that the cute lil' pink bunny is a duracell bunny. energizer's mascot is a hyperactive battery =P). the name comes about, of cuz, from the idea that my 'battery' never seems to run out.. i don't deny that i often surprise myself by my ability to stay up, stay out and stay active whilst surviving on minimal amount of sleep. i tend to believe that i'm powered by my passion for life, for living.

but ever since i started working, things have gotten a lil different. sigh. working really sucks. it sucks the brains out of you, sucks the energy out of you.. and more than anything else, it sucks the life out of you.

so to prevent myself from pre-mature 'aging', i made myself a new resolution in the middle of the year. and this is a resolution i intend to keep on repeat mode, ie. to keep to it EVERY year - i will take a trip (short or long) AT LEAST once every 6 months. if you ask me, i'd much prefer to up the frequency to once every quarter.. but that would cost me a lot more money. boo.

nonetheless, i made my first splurge of the year about 2 weeks ago when r and i took a super-long-anticipated trip to the island of bali =D

it was our virgin trip to the island of the gods and we were both very very very excited!! kudos to deal.com.sg (not advertising, but think they deserve a mention for the good deal haha), we managed to get our 2way flight on garuda + a harris hotel stay for 4d3n + a set lunch + a spa all for $299 before tax.

what i love the most about travelling with r, is our common trait in making sure that our itinerary is all planned out.. so with our pre-trip research, combined with the lonely planet book he got his hands on, as well as the brochures we grabbed like crazy upon arriving at the airport; i must say we really made good use of our time there for an amazing experience =DD

--------------------------

day 1: arrived at bali, checked into the hotel, made arrangements for our various tours over the next couple of days before heading out on our own foot-tour to get a glimpse of kuta beach and kuta square (the shopping area)

day 2: woke up at 230am to set off for our first 'tour' to northern bali to watch dolphins!! =)) after an ardous 3-hour drive up thru the mountainous regions, we finally arrived at lovina beach, otherwise known as dolphin beach for obvious reasons =P we got into a motor-powered sampan which took us out to the open ocean to wait for the dolphin pods to swim by.. thankfully, our boatman was very experienced and alert in spotting the dolphins and we managed to see the dolphins upclose a couple of times!! (not that much luck with the pictures tho hehe). the playful beings even started doing these jumps in the water which got all the tourists in boats squealing with excitement!!

following that, we took a ride back up the mountains.. but not without stopping over various attractions along the way: we took a dip in the banjar hot springs, visited a buddhist monastery and awed at the beauty of the gitgit waterfall

having started the day so early, when we got back to kuta, we still managed to squeeze every last minute we had in the sun to try our the waves in bali. i picked up surfing with the help of a wonderful instructor and had plenty of fun! =DD

later that night, we visited the poppies stretch, also known as the clarke quay equivalent of kuta. you'd be amazed how crowded the entire area is on a thursday night!! in fact, the whole are was so pumped up by the loud music and heavy beats, r and i were oblivious to the 6.6 earthquake which shook bali that night. yes, we were there right in the middle of a 6.6 earthquake and did not feel ANYTHING. it was only upon returning to the hotel when we saw guests in their pyjamas evacuated at the lobby. gotta admit that even tho we did not physically feel the tremors, but when we heard the guests talking about the 'jurassic park ripples' in the pool, the hotel room swaying; it felt so surreal just being there.

finally, we were allowed to return to our rooms and the both of us who had been awake for almost 24 hours just crashed....zzzzz

day 3: dragged our tired bodies out of bed at 7am the following morning.. but quickly regained our alertness when we were preparing for our main activity of the day - white water rafting down telaga waja river!!

the telaga waja tour was not a private one but it was fun, cuz we got to meet new friends and it wasn't so lonely whilst rafting!! haha, we also stopped by a coffee plantation and i got to try the most expensive coffee in the world (ie. kopi luwak made from the droppings of the civet cat) even tho i don't normally drink coffee AT ALL.

after yet another tiring morning, we headed back to our hotel for a short rest, with the intention to head out to catch some waves later in the afternoon.

upon arriving back at our room, i turned on the tv to check out the news regarding last night's 6.6 bali earthquake.
however, i was greeted with the breaking news of japan's 8.9 earthquake instead. the news updates of the death toll and post-quake tremors came in almost every 2 minutes and we were just glued to the tv for the next hour or so..

it was heartbreaking. the sight of japan's damages from the earthquake - the floods, the fires, the collapse of buildings, casualties, deaths - it really made me so thankful that our 6.6 earthquake the night before was so so mild. the earthquake in bali started out from the ocean as well, but its epicentre was location so deep that no tsunami was caused.

my first earthquake experience was escalated with the news of japan's worst disaster in history and the tsunami warnings to indonesia.. and i couldn't thank God more for protecting us whilst we were there.

i could go on about everything else in bali, the beautiful beaches, the awesome night life, the delicious savoury foods, the money-cheating peddlers, the taxi-scams,....

but for now, my memories of bali will always carry with me a valuable lesson of not taking the little things around you for granted (like singapore being located in an area safe from natural disasters) and realising the vulnerability and uncertainty of life.

i wonder what my next holiday will teach me?

2011-02-26T16:24:00.000+08:00

absolutely no one who knows me better
no one that can make me feel so good
how did we stay so long together?
everybody said we never would

and just when i start to think they're right
the love has died

there you go making my heart beat again
there you go making me feel like a kid
won't you do it, do it one time?
there you go pulling me right back in
and i know i'm never letting this go
i'm stuck on you

some days i don't feel like trying
some days you know i wanna just give up
when it doesn't matter who's right
fight about it all night
had enough, you give me that look
i'm sorry baby let's make up

you do that thing that makes me laugh
and just like that

there you go making my heart beat again
there you go making me feel like a kid
won't you do it, do it one time?
there you go pulling me right back in
and i know i'm never letting this go
i'm stuck on you

whoa-oh, whoa-oh, stuck like glue
you and me baby, we're stuck like glue
whoa-oh, whoa-oh, stuck like glue
you and me baby, we're stuck like glue

2011-02-20T22:40:00.000+08:00

guess who's back? back again? yikes. it's the peak period. here again.
and yes i haven't left the office before 11pm for a few days in a row already...
=(

anywayy i must say tho, that i'm really really grateful for the wonderful lunar new year that's just ended about a week ago..

as i like to say, CNY's the season for reunions.. and plenty of louheis (i had 8 this year, how many did YOU have? =P)

so here's to all the wonderful people i got to spend time with during this heartwarming festive season =DD

ac hotties

the colleagues!

churchies @ CBD

my favouritest hotstuffs =D

and of cuz, the family!

hope your chinese new year was a fruitful and joyous one too!!

2011-01-20T21:40:00.001+08:00

lunar new year is around the corner...

and this year being the year of the rabbit, aka MY YEAR,
i decided to start the year afresh, with some form of change......

and so.....

I FINALLY CHOPPED OFF MY LOCKS!!!

2011-01-03T15:09:00.001+08:00

resolutions 2011 - what's yours? =D

2011-01-01T12:29:00.002+08:00

“Another fresh new year is here
Another year to live
To banish worry, doubt and fear,
To love and laugh and give

This bright new year is given me
To live each day with zest
To daily grow and try to be
My highest and my best

I have the opportunity
Once more to right some wrongs,
To pray for peace, to plant a tree,
And sing more joyful songs!”

— William Arthur Ward

2010-12-31T17:12:00.000+08:00

the idea of starting all over and making good the past is what makes new year's day the most celebrated holiday across the world

and once again, i find myself standing at the end of the year.. ready to say goodbye to 2010 and usher in 2011..

this year has, indeed, been a challenging one for me.. unlike previous years, when i was still in school, 2010 marked my first full year as a working adult. and as if that wasn't enough, i decided to further inflict torture on myself by studying for my ACCA part time..

indeed the hectic schedule of rushing off from the office to go for classes in the evening took a toll on me.. mentally and physically. but somehow in the midst of all that busyness, something good came out of it - i learnt to treasure whatever free time i had and really tried squeezing every drop of time to spend with people i love.. people whom i ironically took for granted and did not have the time for whilst i was still a student =(

in 2010,

i rebuilt the lost relationship with a brother i cared so much for

i drew closer to my family in more ways than i expected

i reunited with lost/drifted relationships i once held so dearly

i tightened the bond i had my existing friends

and most importantly, i reconciled with God and my family in Christ

truly, i'm thankful to God for whatever He's put me thru this year.. not only did He give me plenty of chances to share and receive love, but in the midst of doing so, taught me how to love - unconditionally and selflessly, without judgment (long story, we'll save that for another day ;))

so cheers to twentyeleven and may it prove to be yet another year filled with love and happiness, thru friendships and relations.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

2010-11-18T20:46:00.003+08:00

"it is more blessed to give than to receive"

that has always been my mantra in life... and it hasn't changed one bit =))

so especially now that i've been working for more than a year, i thought it would be great for me to give back.. in whatever ways i can!!

and recently, i've embarked on a new commitment.......

ladies and gentlemen, please meet

ganiga jaiping - my newly adopted girl from thailand =D

i'll be supporting her financially for the next few years to ensure she gets education, healthcare and whatever other essentials a young little girl will need =))

and if any of you is inspired to do the same, especially now that Christmas is just around the corner, please do not hesitate to do so at http://www.worldvision.org.sg/st_sponsorchild.php

will continue to update you guys on my lil' girl's progress along the way~

2010-11-12T23:22:00.004+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

it's really just so awesome to have your birthday on a friday.. cuz you get to extend the celebrations to the weekend!! =DD

to those who were part of my birthday celebrations in one way or another, thanks for making this 23rd birthday such a special one =) i really really enjoyed myself!!

2010-11-01T23:45:00.002+08:00

d was right..

sometimes the answer is just right before our eyes..
but we let our own judgment and emotions cloud our perspectives.

sometimes it's just so obvious which direction we're supposed to go,
which step we're supposed to take....

yet so often we are hindered by the uncertainties that lie ahead, the 'what-ifs' of diverting to a new path, the fear of making a mistake, the fear of getting hurt again.

i guess that's why they call it a step of faith.

and faith is exactly what i lack right now.

2010-10-27T09:33:00.000+08:00

hi bloggiee, it’s been a while. haha.

it never fails to amaze me how quickly time flies…. was just reminiscing with mengsy last friday that it seemed only like yesterday when we were whining about how 2009 was a horrible year and how much we were looking forward to 2010.

and guess what, 2010 is ending in about 2 months time.

that said, it’s been 15 months since i set foot into the working world…

since my early childhood days as a kid playing dress up, all the way to my mugging days as a final year student in university, going to work was always a phase of life i had much anticipation for - the thought of finally being free from homework, tests and exams; the thought of being financially independent; the thought of being free to buy/do whatever you liked…

of course, now that i’m working, i’ve come to realize that having a career is most certainly overrated. don’t get me wrong, i don’t exactly hate my job or what i do, i have no complaints about having my own salary and being able to pay for my own expenses.. but i suppose the one main complaint i have, would be the inflexibility of my time.

day in day out, 8 hours from 9am to 6pm, and in my field of career, often stretching to 10-12 hours, i'm confined to my desk/office/client’s office doing the same stuff over and over. so unless it’s a public holiday or i decide to expend my already-bare-minimal annual leave, i don’t ever get a good break. gone were the days of quarterly holidays, gone were the days of half-days/recess weeks/study breaks……..

but of course, rant as I may, i’m thankful that i’m still young and alive enough to be able to maximize my weekends and sometimes if i’m lucky, weeknights, to do a little catch up here and there, every now and then

i guess at the end of the day, it really just boils down to each individual on how to make the best of your time… let’s hope i’ll be able to keep up my momentum of meet-ups and catch-ups!!

2010-10-12T01:40:00.000+08:00

oh, tonight i'm feeling fine
i'm alone, just wasting time
no friday movie nights
or romantic candle lights

i'm just having conversations
with the thoughts in my head
all I hear are angels crying
oh, won't they just sing instead

it would be wrong for me to say

i don't need that boy by my side
i don't need that boy in my life
i don't want to talk it out
or be held when i cry

i don't want to say he's my kind
i don't want to say that he's mine
i don't want to tell him that
i love him more than life
more than life

honestly, this won't do
how is he doing?
i tell myself i'm feeling swell
but i know i'm such a fool

i could take it as a new beginning
but you know i don't feel that way
who will take all this pain away?

i know it's wrong for me to say

i don't need that boy by my side
i don't need that boy in my life
i don't want to talk it out
or be held when i cry

i don't want to say he's my kind
i don't want to say that he's mine
i don't want to tell him that
i love him more than life
more than life

talk about a sin
was the day i walked into the other side
i would run back in
i wouldn't waste no time

i know it's wrong for me to say

i don't need that boy by my side
i don't need that boy in my life
i don't want to talk it out
or be held when i cry

i don't want to say he's my kind
i don't want to say that he's mine
i don't want to tell him that
i love him more than life
more than life

2010-08-18T20:16:00.003+08:00

a tribute on his birthday, to my
uncle paul
Aug 18, 1932 - Aug 16, 2010

"we little knew that morning,
God was going to call your name,
in life we loved you dearly,
in death we do the same.

it broke our hearts to lose you,
you did not go alone,
for part of us went with you,
the day God called you home.

you left us beautiful memories,
your love is still our guide,
and though we cannot see you,
you are always by our side.

our family chain is broken,
and nothing seems the same,
but as God calls us one by one,
the chain will link again."

we'll miss you, uncle paul ♥

2010-07-28T12:56:00.003+08:00

everyone likes being right..
everyone likes being proven right.

tho just for once, i wish i was wrong.

but i wasn't.

2010-07-25T23:20:00.002+08:00

no i can't let go
i can't let go of you
you're holding me back without even trying to
i can't let go
i can't move on from the past
without lifting a finger you're holding me back

can you believe it?
it's been 2 years......

2010-07-20T21:17:00.003+08:00

with the world cup and exams out of the way, i'm really finding more time for myself to do the things i like with the people i love!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

just last saturday, my sis and i finally got down to getting our new toyyy!!!!

needless to say, we've been spending more time playing together and we've even gotten our parents to get into the game too!! =)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

and over the recent weekend, i reconciled with my two favourite passions - gathering with friends and shopping!!! =D

saturday marked the long awaited fifth year reunion of our acjc class of 05! =)) it's been soo sooo soooo long since i got my hands dirty with council but it didn’t feel the least bit tiresome when i got together with another 4 of my fellow enthusiastic ex-councilmates to put together the reunion. to be honest, we were really scared that no one would turn up and all our efforts would go to waste... BUT, the night came, about 100 people came (abt 1/8 of the cohort?)… and i think everyone had themselves a good time just being back at our alma mater, meeting up and catching up with friends we havent seen in ages and just having ourselves a good time

sunday saw a change of plans when mengsy and i had shove aside our bikinis and sunnies (no thanks to the rain).. but we got to pick up our shopping bags and enjoy my one favourite time of year (besides my birthday and christmas) ---- the GREAT SINGAPORE SALE!!

swooping down to town on a weekend after so long really felt quite good and there we were enjoying our every minute of scavenging for good deals before the GSS comes to an end...

time passed by quickly as it always does when you're having fun... and as my feet started wearing out, the number of bags on my arm increasing by the hour, my wallet feeling lighter... one of the highlights of the day was when i did a quick mental calculation to realise that i had spent less than $100 for 3 dresses and a pair of shoes!! =DD

(in fact, the forever21 sale was so awesome, i went back the next day and bought myself another dress for $29! LOL)

the month of july marks the start of the second half of 2010, sort of like a new 'beginning'... and i'm lovin' it!! =)

2010-07-13T19:14:00.007+08:00

so many times i make the resolution to be more faithful to good ol' bloggy and so many times i've failed to keep the resolution.. haha but i've got a good excuse for my disappearance this time!!

i've been down with the feverrrr!!

no no no not the 39 degress celsius kinda fever.. but the kind that attacks you every six months.. or, every 4 years...

exam feverrrr

yes, as much as i find it hard to believe too, the exam fever is back for the girl who's graduated!

to 'upgrade' my skills and knowledge in this ever changing and oh-so-technical field, i've decided to pick up the crazy task of part-time ACCA studies...

and after one whole year of being books-free, i found myself back where i was years ago.. literally!

i found solace in going back to my alma mater (SIM) library to study with my favouritest fellow accounting pals:

and as if it were all pre-arranged, my exam venue?

back at my OTHER alma mater, my dear ol' ACJC =D

gotta admit that hitting the books again after such a long (or not) break was really quite a challenge, especially when having to balance your time with work, church, friends and family as well..

i have to admit it was really by God's grace that i managed to cover my syllabus (or as much as i could) and be able to actually even sit for the paper and have something to write...

just keeping my fingers crossed that i clear all my papers! =XX

soccer feverrrr

and as if i wasn't sleep deprived enough, the once-every-4-years epidemic striked again and i was down with world cup fever!!

yet despite all the sleepless nights and unhealthy snacking, it was great fun getting to catch up with ol' friends over beer, snacks and soccer..

tho now that it's finally finally over.. i probably gotta start re-tuning my body clock and get over this world cup hangover!!

i promise i'll be back more often!

and i promise to keep the promise this time!!! hehe

2010-04-07T14:10:00.003+08:00

maybe i need some rehab
or maybe just need some sleep
i got a sick obsession
i'm seeing it in my dreams
i'm looking down every alley
i'm making us desperate 'cause
i'm staying up all night hoping
hitting my head against the wall

what you got boy is hard to find
i think about it all the time
i'm all strung out, my heart is fried
i just can't get you off my mind

won't listen to any advice
momma's telling me i should think twice
but love to my own devices
i'm addicted, it's a crisis

my friends think i've gone crazy
my judgements getting kinda hazy
my esteem is gonna be affected
if i keep it up like a lovesick crack-head

i don't care what people say
the rush is worth the price i pay
i get so high when you're with me
but crash and crave you when you leave

because your love your love your love is my drug

2010-04-03T11:01:00.002+08:00

oh dearr oh dearr

just realised i havent blogged for more than a month, poor bloggy's been neglected haha..
well i guess that's just the way it is for auditors, work all day and when nightfalls, there are 5 options:

1) work some more
2) go home and sleep
3) go out and play/party
4) go for extra classes (like ACCA)
5) all of the above/

those who know me well enough tho, would be pretty sure that i'm not someone who'd go home and sleep.. in fact, i don't usually sleep much and survive on a 4hr slumber time a night (or 6hrs on nights when i'm lucky) - not that it's a good thing tho, kids don't try this at home =P

so in other words, i've been burning out my days/nights/weekends and hence, no time to blog? haha i don't even remember when was the last time i even logged into msn (not even appearing offline!)

but thankfully, the peak period's over.. (for me, pretty much).. so no more late nights at work, less OT and hopefully more time to myself! =D

i do promise to try to update a lil more tho~

backdated entries coming up!! (edit: see february 23rd & march 27th)

2010-03-27T23:10:00.004+08:00

(backdated entry)

march madness -

a totally apt title for this post, because the month of march was K-I-L-L-E-R!

the work pile just kept getting higher and higher and i felt the toll of an auditor's misery when i had to stay back at work till midnight a few nights in a row!! not to mention the extra saturdays too! =/

but on top of the mountain of work, i somehow managed to squeeze every last bit of my time to meet up with beloved ones!

from fellow raffles-place office babes..

to my dearest ex-SRC excos..

not to forget my favourite wise-counsellor-friend, caroline..

to the fantastic four crusaders,

to the acjc sesix class of '05 at our fitfh year reunion!

needless to say, i definitely met up with my favouritest people,

the family @ lydia's 21st

hotstuff loves =))

ahh, friends really do make the world go round, don't they?
meeting up with them really makes the crazy month of march so so so much more bearable!

LOVE YOU ALL! =D

2010-03-01T15:39:00.003+08:00

do you remember the nights
we'd stay up just laughing
smiling for hours
at anything
remember the nights
we drove around crazy in love

when the lights go out
we'll be safe and sound
we'll take control of the world
like it's all we have to hold on to
and we'll be a dream

do you remember the nights
we made our way dreaming
hoping of being
someone big
we were so young then
we were too crazy in love

when the lights go out
we'll be safe and sound
we'll take control of the world
like it's all we have to hold on to
and we'll be a dream

we'll be a dream

2010-02-23T21:14:00.001+08:00

(backdated entry)

long weekends become especially precious to you once you start working..
and i had the wonderful liberty of extending my cny weekend just a tad longer for extra enjoyment =))

here's a quick sum up of my awesome CNY!!

funtastic cny celebrations with my colleagues at 1 finlayson green =)
steamboat buffet with my favourites!!
fireworks and family reunion in malaysia & singapore
lotsa sun, sand and sea at phuket =)

i'm lovin' it!! =)) can't wait for the next long weekend~
till then..

2010-02-12T18:08:00.003+08:00

i've always loved having chinese new year as the first holiday/festive season of the year because it was a second beginning of a new year in a new year..

it's been barely 50 days since 2010 started.. how has your year been so far? =P

well regardless of whether it has started off well or not, here's the lunar new year to 'make things right' all over!! =)) =P

have a good and prosperous one!

enjoy the long weekend!!!!

2010-01-26T11:02:00.002+08:00

my favourite niece, claire, has been having nightmares on-and-off ever since she started attending preschool.. and one of those nights, after she woke up and finished crying, after her mummy settled her down and assured her that everything was ok and just a nightmare, the little one told her mummy:

"dear God will chase away all these bad things".

what a simple thought yet so amazingly true =))

teach me to have a childlike faith too

2010-01-15T00:29:00.000+08:00

rule #32: enjoy the little things

well, that's certainly easier said than done.

2010-01-03T21:29:00.005+08:00

HAPPY TWENTY TENN!!! =))

am really so so so glad that it's finally finally here.. 2009 was just, well, horrible.

during the last church service i atttended, the pastor spoke of how taiwan and japan have this 'tradition' at the end of every year, to pick one word to represent the entire year..

of cuz, he did tell us to take a moment to think of what word we would use to describe ours.

it didnt take me long to come up with mine: DRAINING.

2009 literally drained me dry.. i had more than my fair share of torture, be it physically, emotionally, mentally or even spiritually.

i almost lost 2 good friends cuz of a huge "misunderstanding" that dragged on for months..
i lost my grandpa in the midst of my final year exams
i lost my motivation to study, i lost my first class honours (not that i was getting it for sure)
i lost my optimism when i was looking for a job
i lost my freedom as a student when i entered the working world
i lost my drive, i lost my confidence, i lost faith

i guess that's why we always welcome the new year with a bang..
cuz it's always nice to know that there's room for new beginnings..
room to start afresh, to leave behind the bad memories and make new ones.

so cheers to the new year, cheers to the new decade & cheers to a whole new beginning =))

2009-11-12T02:45:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEE!!! =))

i love birthdays.. especially more so if they were mine =D

birthdays are always so awesome cuz it's the one day when everyone's attention is on you: they shower you with gifts, blessings and wishes of love, just to you you you and you (and whoever happens to share the same birthday =X)

but that's not the only reason why i love birthdays so much (don't get me wrong, i'm not obsessed over getting attention =P)..

birthdays mark a milestone in your life - i don't know about you, but it's the one day every year that allows me to sit back and look at how different things are/were since your last birthday.. how much you've grown, how much you've matured, and how much you've been through

my 22nd birthday was the start of a new phase of life for me - it was my first birthday as a working adult! =))

and tho i think i'm still very much the same fio you know, i starting to believe that on 12th November 2009, i left a part of me behind.

blame it on the age? of finally crossing the 21 mark and REALLY entering the adult world? or blame it on the fact that i'm no longer a student but a full time white collar professional?

maybe it's a bit of both.. but cheers to a new chapter in my life! =D

2009-11-04T23:28:00.002+08:00

"Don't you think its better to be extremely happy for a short while,
even if you lose it,
than to be just okay for your whole life?"

- The Time Traveler's Wife

2009-10-25T19:12:00.006+08:00

"What Scott saw was you grasping at anything you can to push me away...

You're scared because you're in love with me like you've never been in love with any of your husbands. Because unlike a Bart Bass someone like me can actually break your heart. And I know because right now you're breaking mine..."

"We can keep asking each other if we can do this. We can keep planning, and adjusting, and talking some more. Or we can just leap. So let's leap!"

so let's leap =))

2009-10-15T23:51:00.003+08:00

had dinner with caroline (and ben & fabian) today, and it was really really nice meeting her again after such a looooong time... for those who don't know her, caroline's from SIM, but she's not a classmate or a fellow councillor/wakeboarder/windsurfer; in fact, she's actually one of the student programme administrators. that said, my only 'interactions' with caroline in past were always purely work-based and it was not till tonight that we actually got to sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk..

from waiting for my bus to come, to missing the next few buses, we just sat at the bus stop and talked about our lives.. to a slight extent, there was a similar experience we were both going through: we were both stuck at a point of our life where we were faced with a difficult choice of "should i stay, or should i go"

and i guess i have to admit, being someone who's usually very open to sharing about my life, i've heard so so many different advice/opinions from friends and close ones, but hearing from caroline just wasn't the same. somehow, from that short 'sharing session' we had, she managed to understand what i was going through, where i was coming from and most importantly, she also managed to put so many things into perspective for me.....

one of the favourite things she said to me was that in life, we can never ever be contented. we always want more, expect more. and if we choose to 'run away' or 'move on' everytime we find that we are not getting what we want/expect, then we'll never be able to settle down. so instead of always thinking "am i happy here", ask ourselves "am i unhappy here?"; because you see, there are, and will always be, two sides to everything: the good and the bad.. so tho sometimes we are faced with horrible horrible circumstances, yet at the same time, we may find ourselves finding the most wonderful joys and memories from the same situation, and sometimes, the good things make tolerating the bad things easier and worth it.

haha it's kinda like economics isn't it?? =P there will always be a cost and a benefit to everything, and by carrying out a 'cost-benefit analysis' we are able to determine whether the benefits outweigh the costs and if so, by what margin.. ?

and i suppose these answers are what will tell.. "should i stay, or should i go?"

2009-10-12T22:44:00.000+08:00

one more month to my birthdayyyyy!!!!

=)))))

i always love this time of the year....

halloween, birthdays, christmas, new years'...

PARTTYYY SEASONN'S COMINGGGG! =DD

2009-10-09T15:14:00.002+08:00

caught (500) days of summer yesterday and totally loved it!

i loved the cinematography, going back-and-forth in time, sorta like the movie 'sliding doors'
i loved the comical effects these indie films always have (like juno!)
i loved the role reversal of a sentimental lovelorn boy vs a no-strings-attached girl
i loved the amazing actors and actresses who each portrayed their roles so well
i loved the soundtrack
i loved the story..

and tho it was disclaimed from the beginning that it wasn't a love story, i'd still say it was...

love stories don't need labelled relationships
love stories don't need happily-ever-afters
love stories are simply about, well, LOVE...

and love is all we need.

(day 440)

2009-09-26T22:41:00.000+08:00

=)))))))))))

2009-09-23T17:40:00.001+08:00

why do the last 100 hours seem to go by so ssssllooooowwwllyyyyyyyyy...........

2009-09-13T21:43:00.001+08:00

i choose to hold on,

not because i need someone to fill a space
but because i want you to make my world a better place..

2 more weeks. i'm counting down.

2009-09-02T00:09:00.001+08:00

=)))

2009-08-29T22:28:00.003+08:00

how quickly time flies indeed!!! it's been a month or so since i've entered the working world and surprise surprise, i'm actually enjoying it =))

my office @ 1 finlayson green

on top of the fact that i'm "living my dream" of working at raffles place as an auditor, i've also got a bunch of awesome colleagues who make learning/auditing a much more fun thing than what most people perceive/make it out to be =))

fellow auditors =))

my kickass audit team =P

my pretty pink workstation (still pending 'renovation' haha)

i'm indeed thankful for the smooth-sailing journey i've had so far; from jobhunt to working itself where i've learnt a lot over the past 4-5 weeks and met some awesome people..

i suppose my one main problem is still the body clock which has yet to get used to waking up so early (and having to sleep early) =P let's cross our fingers and hope that things will get better!!

2009-08-08T23:50:00.004+08:00

i attended my first wedding of 2009 today! (yea, i know it's already august.. my friends young what, not time to get married yet =P)

and tho i may be the crazy, rah-rah party girl type who loves birthdays, halloween, christmas, new years'... there's no occasion i love more than weddings!!! true story! call me sentimental, but i'll have to confess, old-fashioned me NEVER fails to shed a tear (of joy, of couse!) at weddings..

weddings are always so full of joy and celebration.. and somehow, everyone's soaked up with bliss and love <3 weddings are like the happily-ever-afters that every girl dreams of, weddings are always so fairytale-like and blissful.. & weddings are my gentle reminders that love exists, and love never fails =))

congratulations, zach & celeste!

2009-08-03T22:06:00.000+08:00

hello world, hope you're listening
forgive me if i'm young
for speaking out of turn

there's someone i've been missing
i think that they could be
the better half of me

they're in their own place
trying to make things right
but i'm just tired of justifying
so i'll say to you

come home, come home
cuz i've been waiting for you
for so long, for so long
and right now there's a war between the vanities
but all i see is you and me
the fight for you is all i've ever known

so come home

2009-07-29T15:45:00.001+08:00

it has been my long term dream/goal to run the stand chart marathon...

and i finally gathered my guts to sign up for it this year...

but now that i'm working, i'm getting a lil worried about how much time i have to train!! hahaa

hmm maybe i'll have to try tuning my body clock so much that i can wake up to go running before work?? =P

2009-07-27T13:21:00.003+08:00

it's my first day of work!!

just got back from lau pa sat and i've still got a couple of minutes before my lunch break ends, so thought i'd come online for a while =P

after a quick 'tour' around the office and getting introduced to everyone, i started work proper in the accounts department (train/learn how to use the accounting programme first before they'll transfer me back to audit =P). just realised how MUCH i've yet to learn, but enjoying this process so far =))

the colleagues are all very friendly and nice.. i started work together with another girl from SIM (uol accounting & finance, like me) so we naturally 'stick' to each other a bit more =P

and to no surprise, quite a number of my colleagues thought i was malay haha. there's this guy from hongkong who didnt dare talk to me until he heard me order food in chinese and realised my race =P

other than that, everything's pretty good, except that my workstation's kinda boring looking.. haha i'm planning to start bringing stuff in tomorrow to liven the place up! =))

will post pics up in due time~

2009-07-26T00:35:00.000+08:00

i still can't quite believe it,

but it's been one year...

2009-07-23T03:40:00.000+08:00

it hurts so much to hear her woes and watch her eyes fill with tears...

it hurts so much more when you know she doesnt deserve what she's getting, but yet there's so little you can do for her...

& it hurts the most when the guilty party is also someone you love...

it really really hurts =((

2009-07-22T14:00:00.000+08:00

i've revamped my blog! =)))

2009-07-20T01:04:00.002+08:00

extracted from straitstimes.com:

http://www.straitstimes.com/Breaking%2BNews/Singapore/Story/STIStory_404559.html

"July 17, 2009

Fined $30 for eating sweet

THE crime? Eating a sweet on board an MRT train.

The punishment? A $30 fine.

The offender 48-year-old housewife, Mdm Bibi Zaina Binti Mohamed attempts to justify her actions.

She said, 'I know it is not OK but I take it sometimes because I am giddy.'

Enforcement officer Roger Foo did not buy her explanation. 'If everyone were to say they have to take sweets because they are thirsty or giddy, where are we going to draw a line?' he rebukes.

SMRT on Thursday started cracking down on commuters eating or drinking on trains.

500 enforcement officers have started patrolling trains for errant commuters and if you are caught consuming, first time offenders could be fined $30.

Such action comes a year after trying a different approach.

Before this crackdown, SMRT used to counsel chomping commuters instead.

However, when the number offences rose from 276 cases in 2006 to 595 in 2008, SMRT moved to change tactics.

Whether the enforcement works remains to be seen, but you can find out what happens to people caught for eating or drinking on board a MRT train or at a MRT station on RazorTV."

omg what the hell man. haha, i better start being more conscious when i eat sweets =P

2009-07-17T23:51:00.004+08:00

FIONA CHAN IS NO LONGER UNEMPLOYED!!!! =)))

really have to thank GOD for providing me this job: an audit assistant at a local cpa firm - something i really wanted - awesome environment for learning and gaining experience, reasonable pay & best part yet, they're sponsoring me to complete my ACCA!! =)))

thank you too, to all my awesome friends who've been praying for me and encouraging me when i was demoralized from the futile job hunting and interviews..

i start work in 10 days time!!! *excites* i'm gonna be a raffles place OL! HAHAHAHA.
here's a picture of my office-to-be:

jio me for lunch if you're ever around the area ;))

2009-07-15T02:39:00.002+08:00

been spending my free time lately meeting up with people i haven't had the chance to meet in a while - some i havent seen in a long time, some i always see but it's never enough.. i also got back in touch some friends that i havent been in contact with for a very long time too - either through sms or blogs or facebook or msn..

and just as it was for my bestie.. in the midst of missing him in my life, i found myself missing another person more: MYSELF

i don't hate the way things are now, and i wouldn't claim that i'm unhappy with life..
but i'm certainly not as happy and carefree as i once was, years ago..

so fio, where did you go?

2009-07-14T01:48:00.007+08:00

and the clock goes tick tock tick tock tick tock....

it's almost 2am, but i'm not asleep
and i'm meeting michh for breakfast later at 9

so why am i not asleep??

cuz i'm waiting..

waiting for someone..
waiting for something..

and as it has always been,
i don't know when this wait will end..
i don't know if it even will.

i can't help wonder why i'm waiting..
can't help wonder if it's worth waiting for at all..
can't help wonder if what i'm waiting for even exists

and the clock goes tick tock tick tock tick tock....

2009-07-07T12:35:00.004+08:00

how apt.

2009-07-05T01:38:00.001+08:00

missing somebody isn't about how long it's been since you've last seen them or talk to them..

it's about that very moment when you're doing something & you wish they were right there with you

i miss you tonss

2009-07-03T00:41:00.000+08:00

and finally blogger allows me to post up more of my pictures!! =))

so here's more pics from my loboing thus far~

meeting up with the projects freshies =))

crazyyy cg17 retreat

settlers with the cousins =DD

early morning dimsum breakfast with my beloveds

GIANT pizza dinner with the library babes (and rubin who's not in the picture hurhur)

cleo's pink partyyy @ cafe del mar =))

lovely jairus's baby shower!!! =)))))

MAMA's back-to-school gathering

meetup with my darling zengsistaa =))

but now that july is here... i guess that means less play and more "work" (aka job hunting =//)

wish me luck~

2009-06-30T23:00:00.012+08:00

was looking thru some of my archives and i realised my past few entries have been rather gloomy..

guess it's time to brighten things up!!!

so here's my first half month of holidays at a glance.. !!
- baby jairus is born!!
- my only overseas trip so far - to jb zzz
- the sad sad farewell =((
- mummy & gina's birthday cum early father's day celebration
- ktv with the hotstuffs =))

will update again soon with more pics (when blogger stops being so pesky with uploading my pics hehe)

2009-06-29T01:49:00.002+08:00

every time i watch gossip girl, i've always imagined myself to be blair..
the girl who's patiently waiting on a boy she's so in love with, to one day, hopefully come to terms with his feelings for her and reciprocate her unrequited love...

after a certain phone conversation, i couldn't help wonder, maybe i was looking at things from the wrong point of view all these while..

maybe i'm supposed to be chuck...
the guy who loves his girl from afar, giving up his own interests so that the one he loves can be happy, and get the happily ever after she so yearns for..

maybe it's time i stopped thinking about me and start thinking about what's best for him

sighh

2009-06-26T12:40:00.000+08:00

for the first time in a while, h1n1 news did not clog up the news feed.....

today, the world mourns for the loss of a legend:
the smooth criminal who redefined pop..
the moon-walker who recreated dance..
the tortured man in the mirror who wanted to heal the world..

=((

goodbye, mj. your legacy lives on in our hearts <3

2009-06-18T13:50:00.004+08:00

woke up this morning,
turned on facebook..
and saw something that made me smile =))))))))))

think i'm gonna be happy for the next few dayssss

=)))))))))))

2009-06-12T10:55:00.006+08:00

4 months ago,
nobody knew of H1N1

4 months ago,
i was still a student preparing for my final year exams

4 months ago,
grandpa was still sleeping in the room next door

4 months ago,
jie was still pregnant with baby jairus

so much can happen in 4 months...
so much can change...

how's the next 4 months gonna be??

i'll be awaiting your return.

2009-06-09T01:31:00.000+08:00

i believe many of us can vouch that post-exam holidays are our favourite days in the year's calendar.. especially the post-end year exams, cuz that meant that holidays were without CCAs, without holiday assignments, and you didn't have to do anymore revision for the rest of the year.

well, ever since i started attending university, holidays were always 3 months long - during which, we'd get part-time jobs to earn that extra cash, go for short trips just to let loose a lil, but at the same time, we'd be awaiting the results and semi-preparing ourselves for the upcoming academic year.

but this year is different. this year marks my final year in university. my final final exams. my final school holidays.

that short (or long) trip i take may be my last time travelling leisurely, carefreely (i.e. without having to take leave or something); that job i look for is no longer just-another-job that gives me my extra income - it's where i may be for the next 1-2 years of my life...

so whilst i have to admit that it's awesome that i'm on a holiday with no end-date; at the same time, it's awful that i'm being forced out of my comfort zone, unemployed & uncertain of what the next 3 months or 3 years will be like...

i guess we'll just have to wait and see, and hope that time will tell.

2009-06-02T18:39:00.000+08:00

everyone has an opinion on how long it takes to recover from a breakup..

half the length of the relationship?
one week for every month you were together?
exactly 10,000 drinks, however long that takes?

how long's mine gonna be?

2009-05-28T22:50:00.004+08:00

THE EXAMS ARE OVER!!!

and it's finally time to play! =))))))

2009-05-25T03:58:00.000+08:00

he used to stay up till the wee hours in the morning.. maybe it was because he never had much to do, so he'd just watch whatever there was on tv - drama replays, soccer matches, variety shows... and unintentionally, that became what we had in common, and that helped us bond.

cuz he'd be only one awake at 4 in the morning, he would wait up for me to return from clubbing to make sure i was home safe, he would notice my room lights on when i was up mugging/surfing the net and tell me to get some sleep, he would sit in the kitchen with a cup of tea whilst i eat my instant noodles, and he would be the only one who hears me crying in the middle of the night after i've had a bad day & he wouldnt hesistate to give me a hug and some words of encouragement; he always knew what to say to make me feel better, he always had a solution for me and he was always ready to help.

it's 4am again. i'm sitting alone in the kitchen with my bowl of noodles, queasy from period cramps, depressed from exam pressure and scared of the cockroach running about somewhere.. and when i finally leave my seat and run upstairs, i see an empty room - he's not there.. anymore.

i miss carrying my stack of storybooks and scattering them all over his bed as he reads them to me one by one. i miss holding his hand as he takes me to the aquarium to watch the fishes. i miss seeing him read his newspapers on his favourite chair. i miss sitting by his bedside watching tv. i miss having him watch me play the piano. i miss hearing him sing his teochew operas. i miss the short drives we'd have together whenever i send him out to visit my baby niece. i miss our one-to-one lunch times. i miss his laughter & his smiles. i miss his late night company. i miss saying "yeye wo hui lai le"

i miss him.

2009-05-23T00:48:00.003+08:00

i know there's a blue horizon
somewhere up ahead
just waiting for me
getting there means
leaving things behind
sometimes life's so bittersweet

i guess it's gonna have to hurt
i guess i'm gonna have to cry
and let go of some things i've loved
to get to the other side
i guess it's gonna break me down
like falling when you're trying to fly
it's sad but sometimes moving on
with the rest of your life
starts with goodbye

goodbye grandpa.. i love you.

2009-05-08T18:53:00.002+08:00

i feel like i'm breaking down,

bit

by

bit.

i don't know how much of me is left...

2009-05-05T02:35:00.002+08:00

one week to the exams....

one more week...

who'd expect this one week to mean so much? =//

2009-05-02T20:18:00.002+08:00

last night as i laid on my pillow in the hotel room during an overnight transit, i couldn't help noticing that the ceiling of the room had 'stars' stuck all over it..

almost instantly, the lyrics of the song 'if everyone cared' by nickelback, surfaced in my mind -

"as we lie beneath the stars, we realize how small we are"

and indeed, how apt this line was - so many times, we think we have it all under control, only to realize that we don't and can't control anything at all..

take the most recent experience with grandpa: our family had the monetary means, we had connections with good doctors in singapore, we had medical knowledge to some extent (my aunt's a nurse), but nonetheless, there was nothing we could do but pray.. how helpless...

similarly, being the organized perfectionist i am, i tried planning out my entire studying/revision schedule so that i'd be able to cover the entire syllabus and still have ample time for 'second revisions' and practices. but then came a whole series of events: the accident, grandpa's critical condition, an emergency trip to china.......... and 10 days away from the exams, i find myself still struggling

so many times, we think we have it all under control, only to realize that we don't and can't control anything at all..

you think, i thought, who confirm???

xoxo

2009-04-30T22:45:00.000+08:00

or maybe not..

=(((

Lord, you said you wouldn't test me beyond what i can take.. this, i can't

2009-04-30T04:04:00.001+08:00

what a week this has been..

2 weeks away from my exams, one phone call comes and the next thing i know, i'm seated in a plane bound for china.

what followed was a series of accelerated events - trips to and fro the hospital, grandpa's "fit to fly" approval (finally), massive influx of phone calls and text messages, visits to the singapore embassy, meetings with the insurance company, arrangements with the travel agency.............

and after almost an entire month of emotional stress and anxiety, grandpa's finally going home tonight =))

HUGE kudos to the dear ones (especially michh, mengsy, en gor & r) who've stood by me and helped me through this tough season, definitely one of the lowest points in my life.. i wouldn't have been able to make it out unscathed if it wasn't for all of your love, care, support and encouragements. heart y'all so much =))

now to shift my worrying back to my exams =/

2009-04-25T15:09:00.002+08:00

lately, i've been praying so so hard...
i prayed to God to let a miracle happen..
i wanted grandpa to recover and at the very least be able to come home safely so we can all see him and spend more time with him...

and over the past few days, through the email correspondence i had with my relatives in china, grandpa's condition fluctuated even more rapidly than the stock market:
one day grandpa's awake, talking and making jokes..
the next day (or sometimes the same day), he's bleeding and coughing and having breathing difficulties..
throughout which, i continued to pray and i told God "please, don't take him away yet. i've so much i want to do with him, so much i want to say.. and also, i want him to receive salvation"

just recently, the updates i received started a upward trend..
grandpa was getting stronger by the day, they were removing tubes from his body, arrangements were being made to fly him home soon..
i thought i had my miracle

this morning, i wake awoken by my mummy telling me that grandpa was in critical condition. his liver had 'officially' stop functioning and he was very weak..
about a couple of hours later, we received news from my uncle that grandpa had received Christ and said the "sinner's prayer"
i know it's good news that i got my 'wish' and grandpa received Christ.. but i can't help feel scared that God's trying to give me my 'closure' and tell me that it's time to let him go....
i know God has His plans and who knows, this might just be the miracle He was giving me. but it just sucks when things don't turn out the way you expect them to be.........

i just feel so messed up right now.

2009-04-17T03:50:00.003+08:00

25 more days to my exams..

momentum's finally built up and i've managed to cover quite a reasonable amount of work/revision since my last entry.. tho i must admit that this has been done at the expense of my sleeping time/body clock =//

and in the midst of my late-night "lonely driving" home these days, i couldnt help think about how, as murphy's law would have it, every year somehow someway, during my exam period, something not-good ALWAYS happens and it breaks my momentum or simply affect me emotionally such that i end up losing hours of studying time crying/worrying/emoing..

in year 1, grandma passed away
in year 2, i 'lost' someone very important
and in year 3...?

grandpa and his 4 children went to china as part of his 85th birthday trip.. 3 days after they had left, we got a call from daddy telling us that grandpa started coughing up blood. obviously, they stopped all travel plans and sent him to the hospital where he underwent a major operation, which discovered the cause of bleeding - a stomach ulcer and two tumours....

those who have seen/met my grandfather before would know that he's a skinny and fragile old man and the thought of him having to go through all that in a foreign country (he's too weak to fly back), probably in a rather rundown hospital (being told they don't even have an icu unit) and on his 85th birthday is simply heartbreaking

thankfully, he finally came out of his coma this morning and though he's still very weak, his condition is slightly more stable now. got to talk to him earlier tonight.. it was so great to hear his voice even tho it had so little energy and he could barely make out words, yet it still sucks to be miles away from where he is and feel so helpless.. i really miss my grandpa ='((((

"Lord, watch over grandpa and the rest of the family in China or in Singapore.. give us the peace and the strength to make it through this rough period. help me hang in there as i struggle amidst my exam preparations and lead grandpa to recovery and bring him home soon......"

2009-04-10T14:01:00.003+08:00

You laid aside Your majesty
gave up everything for me
suffered at the hands
of those You had created
You took away my guilt and shame
when You died and rose again
now today You reign
and heaven and earth exalt You

~*~*~

thank you for the cross, Lord.
thank you for the nail-pierced hands.
thank you for Your amazing love.

2009-03-30T02:17:00.003+08:00

it's 2:17am, 43 days away from the big exams..

and yet here i am posting a blog entry just to 'showoff' my happy discovery!!

as per previous entries, i think i've made it pretty clear that i like personalising stuff - my igoogle, my blog template (the only reason why i've yet to update it again is cuz it's a lot less hasslefree compared with the other internet applications) and today, whilst updating my firefox browser, i came across "firefox themes" and tried one of these titled 'pink hope' in lieu with the breast cancer awareness campaign..

and omg not only is it in pink (which is my favourite colour b.t.w.), it's got these awfully cute buttons and symbols!! (see the loading tab? it's got a 'flashing' heart!!) & it happens to go really well with my igoogle theme too =))

goodness gracious me, with my firefox browser looking so happy and girly, i sense that i'm gonna be online a lot more often...

haha better be putting the same (if not more) hours into my studying too!! =P

xoxo

2009-03-24T21:03:00.005+08:00

in the midst of taking a break from my books, i came across a note posted by pramit with these super super old-school poems written by our friend paul yow during for our student council campaigning..

"vote for fiona, number fifty nine,
she's just simply so divine.
she's a hardworker & will never whine,
even when things are on decline.
she's not afraid to cross the line,
many things she will refine,
like making the canteen
a better place to dine.
she'll come up with a new design,
that's as good as
the whole school combined.
in case you don't know
it's a really good sign,
doesn't it send a tingle
down your spine?
so what are you waiting for
don't waste time!
vote for number fifty nine!!

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

number fifty-nine man. those were the days =P

2009-03-23T23:43:00.002+08:00

if i could have just ONE super power, i wanna be able to control time..

i'd rewind us back to the way things were...
and i'd freeze us at moments like these.

if only.

2009-03-17T02:19:00.004+08:00

i don't know how many of you use the igoogle function (for gmail users mainly?), but i really love it cuz' i get to customise my own homepage with a newsfeed that updates me on the news highlights, a to-do list, a gmail inbox preview, yada yada..

basically, you put whatever you want to. and well, i have a countdown timer on my igoogle page. usually it counts down to some special occasion, e.g. my birthday, christmas, new years' day.. and i'll update it once the countdown ends..

after lunar new year, i've been counting down to the exams.. just so that whenever i see the numbers decrease, i'll get scared. well, it's definitely working.

i logged on today to find this:

needless to say, i'm spooked.

i have freaking less than 2 months to the finals. and yes, this time it's really THE mother of all final countdowns.

56 more days to start of exams. 72 more days to end of exams.
less than 3 months till i'm done with school. for good. OMG.

2009-03-08T15:11:00.008+08:00

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by PRAYER and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus"

Philippians 4:6 - 7

Here's a song I've sung in church so so many times, and each time, it never fails to speak to me..

"祷告" (Prayer)

I pray, cuz' I know I'm weak..
I pray, cuz' I know I need strength..
I pray, cuz' I need peace..

I pray, cuz' I know He hears..
and He answers..

2009-02-14T23:18:00.001+08:00

today was unlike my previous 5 years of valentines' day when i'd receive flowers and/or presents, be in a dress and in heels & i'd go to a fancy restaurant for dinner with a date...

instead

today started off at the stroke of midnight with a birthday surprise for a dear friend.. later in the day it was followed by a lunch with the family, 3 hours of solid silent studying with a bff & then a total of 2 hours travelling solo for a 'restricted' and 'timed' 30 minutes with him..

today was unlike my previous 5 years of valentines' day, i did not receive flowers and/or presents, i was dressed in a tanktop, shorts and slippers & i had instant noodles for dinner at home all alone..

but

today i was happy. really happy. cuz i got to spend time with people i love.. and that's what valentines' day is all about, right? =))

happy valentines, everyone.

xoxo

2009-01-31T22:46:00.005+08:00

there's been this sudden trend on facebook with the posting of "25 random facts about me" notes and tagging other people to do it and whatnots..

so since i've shared the twenty-five bits of me on my facebook, i may as well share it here as well! =P

haha so here goes:

1. hello i am fiona chan kai ling. my chinese name is 曾(zeng) 凯玲 and no, my surname is not 陈 (chen) =P

2. my first-cry was heard on 12th November 1987 at mount elizabeth hospital

3. i have two sisters, one elder and one younger. we (used to) sleep together but we don't fight. they're my soulmates and i love them LOADS =))

4. girlfriends are my therapy. they make my world a better place <3

5. i talk to my beloved pet rabbits caramel & oreo A LOT too. tho they don't respond (literally since rabbits are such silent creatures), it makes me feel good anyway =P

6. rabbits aside, I love any other furry cute domestic creature! dogs, cats, hamsters, mice, guinea pigs.. (i used to keep the latter 2 as pets)

7. cockroaches tho, are NOT my idea of domestic pets. I HATE THEM and they disgust me to the core. every time i see one, i wish Noah hadn't brought them up on the Ark *ewww*

8. that said, i believe in God. the Father, the Son & the Holy Spirit. & i love Him <3

9. i love the beach. be it lying on the sand in my bikini getting a tan, or strolling barefooted with a loved one hand-in-hand. i love the sound of the crashing waves =D

10. i'm also a very 'smell' person. i love smells. the smell of rain, the smell of the forest, the smell of cookies, the smell of hugo boss =P

11. i thrive on hugs. long tight ones =) i believe "a hug a day keeps unhappiness away" =))

12. i'm a very sentimental person. i have a knack for remembering important dates and events and i like collecting stuff that form good memories - movie ticket stubs for instance =P

13. nothing captures memories better than photographs. hence i take pride in my ability to snap pictures of almost anything and everything =)

14. i'm a small-caps person. i type/write/text in small caps almost all the time (the exceptions would be assignments, exams...)

15. i don't curse, i don't swear and i don't use acronyms in my text messages. i'm a supporter of the "speak good english movement" =P

16. i am simply addicted to shopping. shopping of any kind. put me in a retail area (even a supermarket) and i'll find something to buy, somehow =))

17. dresses define my style. in fact, i have more dresses than t-shirts in my wardrobe.

18. lipstick, blusher, i can do without. just don't take away my eyeliner.

19. i simply adore heels. i feel more comfortable in my heels than in havainas. if i had it my way, i'd buy a pair to match every outfit in my closet. unfortunately, my daddy is not warren buffet =((

20. people say i'm damn girly (which i dont deny) but i can be pretty 'garang' when it comes to sports (especially watersports!). i'm a daredevil-wanna-try-everything kinda girl. i love the sun and the great outdoors =D

21. i have never ever dyed my hair in fear of ruining it's texture and quality but i've always wanted to give it a try to see how i'd look =P

22. cuz of my gastric problem, i have NEVER ever been drunk/wasted.. the stomach reaction would force the alcohol out of my mouth before it can get to my head.

23. if not for school, i think i would have become nocturnal. (clubbing, late night shopping, suppers..)

24. i have a terrible habit of biting my lips and i twirl my hair whenever my fingers have nothing to do/hold.

25. i love stealing time from reality to daydream and fantasize. i write my own fairy tales and happily-ever-afters ;)

xoxo

2009-01-26T02:00:00.002+08:00

6 months.

24 weeks.

168 days.

4032 hours.

241920 minutes.

14515200 seconds...

it's all still you

"i'll fall asleep
only in hopes of dreaming
that everything
will be like it was before"

2009-01-25T19:56:00.004+08:00

i'm home alone during chinese new year cuz the family's gone up to malaysia to visit the relatives and the girl who's played a lil' too much last december (see: bangkok + shanghai!?) decided to stay home to study if she still intends to aim for a first-class honours degree..

decided to pamper myself a bit during the festive season, i mean i can't possibly be studying 24/7, so i rented some dvds to keep me company.. one of 'em, which i surprisingly enjoyed the most, was Sex & the City.

contrary to the reviews i've heard, the preconceptual mindset about it being "Desperate OLs", Sex & the City proved to be a movie with a lil' more 'depth' in dealing with issues about sex, love and friendship...

so as i always like to do, here's a couple of quotes i'd like to share =))

"Some love stories are epic novels, some are short stories
But that doesn't make them any less filled with love...

LOVE - it's the only label that never goes out of style"

2009-01-22T03:15:00.001+08:00

i'm just so so so so so tired....

mentally,

physically,

emotionally..

when's it all gonna stop.

2009-01-15T18:13:00.005+08:00

the one thing i love about music is how it so readily express one's feelings in the most beautiful manner..

so here's another fio-defining song, of a less emo tune =P

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2nTSU-mFWGs

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
I can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why

Slow it down
Make it stop
Or else my heart is going to pop
'Cause it's too much
Yeah, it's a lot
To be something I'm not
I'm a fool
Out of love
'Cause I just can't get enough

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
I can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why
I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down I know
I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show

The sun is hot
In the sky
Just like a giant spotlight
The people follow the sign
And synchronize in time
It's a joke
Nobody knows
They've got a ticket to that show
Yeah

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I dont know where to go
I can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why
I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down I know
I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show
Just enjoy the show

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I dont know where to go
I can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why
I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down I know
I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show
And just enjoy the show

I want my money back
I want my money back
I want my money back
Just enjoy the show

2009-01-12T01:45:00.003+08:00

Don’t hang up
Can we talk
So confused
It’s like I'm lost
What went wrong
What made you go
Don’t pretend you don’t know
This is me
I'm unchangeable

When did we
Fall apart
Or did you lie
From the start
When you said
It's only you
I was blind
Such a fool
Thinking we
We're unbreakable

It was you and me against the world
And you promised me forever more
Was it something that I said
was it something that I did
Cuz I gotta know
What made me unbeautiful

I've been told
Whats done is done
To let it go
And carry on
And deep inside
I know that’s true
I'm stuck in time
I'm stuck on you
We were still untouchable

It was you and me against the world
And you promised me forever more
Was it something that I said
Was it something that I did
Cuz I gotta know
What made me unbeautiful

Wake up, wake up, wake up
Cuz I'm only dreaming
Get out, get out, get out, get out
Get out of my head now

Because we’re much better
All together
Can’t let go

It was you and me against the world
And you promised me forever more
Was it something that I said
Was it something that I did
Cuz I gotta know
What made me unbeautiful

It was you and me against the world
And you promised me forever more
Was it something that I said
Was it something that I did
Cuz I gotta know
What made me unbeautiful

Make me unbeatiful

2009-01-03T23:27:00.006+08:00

it's 2009!!!! =)))

I can't quite express how excited I am now that the new year is here, twenty-o-eight was quite a rollercoaster ride... but that's all in the past now eh?

so...... taking a sneak peek into the crystal ball of my upcoming 12 months:

10 things I'm looking forward to/working towards:
1) A closer walk with HIM (through service and personal time)
2) Better relations with my family members (08 proved to be quite a rough year =//)
3) First-class Honours (i'm still trying!!!)
4) November (and no, it's not cuz' of my birthday..)
5) Thailand Mission Trip in June (pending...)
6) More frequent meet-ups with old friends
7) A friendlier-looking bank account balance =P
8) Gradtrip: Backpacking in Europe!! (still pending..?)
9) Standard Chartered Full Marathon (gotta train for this one!!)
10) Diving license (been wanting to get this, but never found the time/chance)

5 things I'm NOT looking forward to: (thankfully, i couldn't come up with 10)
1) 6 months without my bff Michele =((
2) Intensive mugging for the final year exams
3) Graduation/saying 'goodbye' to friends at school =(((
4) Finding a job/going out to WORK (i'm apprehensive.)
5) November (i don't know what to expect, so it's a 50-50 =//)

well, it's only been 3 days, who knows how things will turn out to be right? i guess we'll just have to wait and see...

happy new year to all in the meantime, and enjoy your last 2 days of christmas!! =))

xoxo

2008-12-31T10:29:00.003+08:00

yes i know it's been ages since i've blogged but well that usually means that i've either had a boring life with nothing to talk about or i've had a life so exciting that i haven't found time to blog!! hehe which do you suppose is the case for yours truly??? the latter of course!!! =P

starting with the annual standard chartered run.. i didn't sign up for it this year, thinking "hey i'll just skip this year and spend the 'break' training for the full marathon next year". of course, i ended up NOT training at all.. and still ended up running. initially it was for my dear ol' sis who signed up for the 10km run but couldnt in the end cuz of a 9-month-long-commitment she carries around now.. then on saturday, the day RIGHT before the run, one of my church members hurt his back and needed a replacement for his 21km run. well, yea i ended up running the 21km and to my surprise, despite not being able to run continuously as i did this year, i managed to come in under 3hours, just about 20 minutes more from what i did last year.. but now that i've done 2 21click runs in consecutive years, i feel even more geared up to train for a full marathon next year!! =))

the following weekend was spent with the family in a quick weekend getaway to bangkok, thailand.. guess it felt pretty good getting some time to myself away from the hustle and bustle of school work and whatever other 'loads' i was carrying.. any girl can testify to the effectiveness of retail therapy, what more for a shopaholic like me!! =D did plenty of shopping sufficient to last me for the next few months, when i, HOPEFULLY, would spend studying and preparing for the prelims and final exams. eeks.

next came the much anticipated src event for us exco members... camp e(xco) - our selection (aka torture?) camp for the 'chosen ones' of the council, to determine the few whom we would pass the baton to. now that that's out of the way, i have to say i feel A LOT less stressed out and a lot less busy =P

if that's not enough, i'm actually blogging from my hotel room in shanghai right now, where i'd be spending a week with my family to welcome the new year..

i don't know about you, but this year has seemed to zoom by awfully fast... especially post-summer school. seems that after i had my 'great escape', i was forced back into reality and truth be told, i don't know if i'm quite settled yet.

let's just hope this shanghai trip would blow me some cold winds of change and prepare me for the upcoming year..

"The wind of change blows straight
Into the face of time
Like a stormwind that will ring
The freedom bell for peace of mind
Let your balalaika sing
What my guitar has to say

Take me to the magic of the moment
On a glory night
Where the children of tomorrow
Share their dreams with you and me
Take me to the magic of the moment
On a glory night
Where the children of tomorrow
Dream away in the wind of change"

2008-12-03T01:45:00.002+08:00

21 days since i turned 21..
21 days since i became an adult..
21 days of attained maturity (or not?)
the past 21 days have got to be the hardest 21 days i've had
and it leaves me wondering..

the 'key' so often talked about on 21st birthdays..
what door does it open?
what lies behind that door?

adulthood has suddenly lost its appeal

2008-11-27T22:19:00.002+08:00

anyone who knows me can tell you that fio isn't someone who'd wake up on her first alarm especially when it's at 0800h.. but today, of course, was an exception! =)) what was i up to you may ask??

well from my previous entry, i guess those who 'made an effort to remember' would know immediately that i'm going for my lasik surgery today!! =))

and so, at 0845h, daddy's car pulled up to Mount Alvernia Hospital Medical Centre Block B where I headed up level 2, Eagle Eye Centre, for my lasik appointment

0915h: i started my series of tests --> eye pressure, eye sight, cornea thickness, eye nervous system, and a couple others i probably don't remember.. going in from room to room, putting eyedrops after eyedrops to dilate my pupils and whatnots.. each test making my heart pound faster, knowing that i'm drawing closer to having my surgery, but worrying that i might fail the next test (as they get more in depth..).

1120h: i walked into Dr Theng's office for my FINAL assessment.. few minutes later tho, I walked out beaming as I was told to come back at 230pm for my surgery!! =D

1545h: came out of the operating theatre with a "new pair of eyes", was rather drowsy/giddy but feeling super super happy!!

the operation procedure was a quick one, just 5 minutes each eye, but i gotta admit it felt longer when i was lying on the surgery bed. quick recap?
1) stare at the green blinking light no matter what happens
2) doctor straps your eyelashes then clips your eye open with some machine that causes you to blackout for 30 secs. there's a beeping sound and someone counting down for you. urghh
3) light comes back on, cornea's been removed.. laser comes in to correct your vision
4) burning smell as laser works on your eye. no feeling thanks of anesthetic tho =P
5) operation completed, doc cleans up your eye with i've-no-idea-how-many different eyedrops and solutions
AND VOILA~ PERFECT VISION!!
(tho it's still a bit hazy now as my cornea's healing)

HUGE THANKS to those who sent their regards & words of encouragement and also those who prayed for me before/during the op =)) they really really helped me!! my op wouldn't have been a success without you guys! =D

and with that, i returned home with more eyedrops of various kinds for various purposes and the most kickass of all, my 'safety goggles' which i have to wear to sleep, so as to prevent anything for 'touching' my eye =P

SEE you all in perfect vision soon!! =)))

2008-11-18T09:43:00.002+08:00

my biggest (not physically) and definitely the best present I received for my 21st birthday this year has definitely got to be the one from my parents...

excluding the kick-ass summer school experience they generously financed, the birthday party they fully sponsored; just as the korean girls receive aesthetic surgery on their 18th or 21st birthdays, fio's getting a surgery toO!!

haha but don't get me wrong, i'm not referring to cosmetic surgery or anything of that sort.. i may not be physically perfect, but i don't intend to correct my looks =P what i'm about to correct however, is my eyesight!! that's right, fio's gonna go for a lasik surgery soon!

i've got my appointment set with the eye surgeon next thursday and if the check-up certifies that i'm 'fit' for the surgery, i'll get my eyesight fixed on that day itself!! =)))) goodbye contacts, goodbye specs!!

hahaha but in the meantime, i'm going speccy mode (to 'rest' my eyes) before i say goodbye to my loyal pair forever~

ps: good time to look nerdy and start studying!! =P